


Liar, Liar

by fabletelle



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Emotional Abuse, Kendall/Jo is present, Kendall/Logan is the main ship but its not end game, M/M, This isn't a happy fic, also there's hinting to sex but nothing explicit, angsty and Logan-centric, mayBE I'm not sure its pretty minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 13:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10877295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabletelle/pseuds/fabletelle
Summary: There was nothing Logan wanted more than to fall asleep and have Kendall still be there when he woke up in the morning.





	Liar, Liar

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically a re-write of an old fic from 2012 I have posted on ff.net by the same name. I haven't written anything in a very long time, so I'm open to any comments and critiques, assuming anyone still reads BTR fanfics.

Despite that it was almost 2am, Logan still found himself wide awake in the bedroom he shared with Kendall in 2J. His cheek was pressed into Kendall’s chest as he snored softly, their legs tangled together as they laid in his bed. Logan wished more than anything that he could also fall asleep, but he was far too terrified that if he did, Kendall would not be there when he woke up. And in truth, he had every reason to be fearful.

Unlike Logan, who had come out as gay to their friends and family when they were still Freshmen living in Minnesota, Kendall had no desire to come out of the closet. Especially since they, Carlos, and James had all become increasingly more well-known, he was terrified of telling anyone - even their family and friends - that he was bisexual for fear of bad publicity. Logan could hardly fault him for that, even if he knew that at least their closest friends would accept him, as they had with Logan. It was a potentially scary process, and Logan respected that.

No, Logan had never been concerned about Kendall wanting to stay in the closet. What had started his worry was when Kendall suggested he should date Jo as a cover-up.

Logan had never been fond of the idea, still somewhat insecure about their relationship. They had only started dating about six weeks before they all left for LA, and Kendall had always been excellent at not acknowledging he was in a relationship with another boy, refusing to call Logan his ‘boyfriend’ even when the two were somewhere private. However, he was especially nervous because Kendall had never suggested a cover-up when they were still in Minnesota; the subject had only been raised after Jo initially moved into the Palm Woods and was pushed pretty hard from there. Logan tried to keep in mind that they _were_ going to become more well-known, and if Kendall was really that nervous about someone finding out they were together, then throwing the paparazzi off by having a girlfriend kind of made sense.

Logan did wish he could be less worried about the situation, but since Kendall had started ‘dating’ Jo, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that Kendall was legitimately interested in her and not just using her as a cover. He had been ‘fake-dating’ Jo for almost four months, and Logan was finding that Kendall was spending less and less time with him, both in public and private. He would often cancel their dates - though they were usually just trips to the movies or cooking together in 2J - because of new plans with Jo. She had taken Logan’s usual spot on the pool chair beside Kendall. Sometimes Kendall wouldn’t even let them walk beside each other, claiming Logan was “making it too obvious”. Worst of all, whenever he tried to bring any of it up with Kendall, he would often get defensive of his own actions and accuse Logan of not trusting him enough or pressuring him to come out when he wasn’t ready. It usually left Logan feeling a bit sick because he couldn’t tell if he really had been acting irrational or whether any of his fear had been warranted.

It would just be so easy - _so easy_ \- for Kendall to leave him for Jo. Kendall wasn’t gay after all, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for him to fall for her. And it would just be so much simpler for him in the long run. He wouldn’t have to keep it a secret that he was dating Jo, nobody would hate him the same way they’d hate him for dating Logan. They already got compliments about what a beautiful couple they were. He could marry her wherever he wanted. She could give him children, Mrs. Knight grandchildren. Jo had so much more to offer Kendall than Logan did. He wasn’t even sure he could resent Kendall if he _did_ leave him for Jo one day.

The only thing that made Logan stay in spite of everything was the string of promises Kendall had made him. _I promise I’ll at least come out to everyone in 2J eventually. I promise I’m not in love with Jo and never will be. I promise we’ll always be together. I promise I promise I promise._ Logan hated that he always believed him.

* * *

 

Finally, after hours of just listening to Kendall breathe, Logan fell asleep. And just as he predicted, Kendall was gone when he woke up. He sighed inwardly and ran his fingers through his hair, too exhausted and too used to this happening to let it get to him. He rolled out of bed and showered away his emotions, dressing himself in white cargo shorts and a blue t-shirt before stepping out of his room. James was sitting on the couch watching television, but nobody else seemed to be around. He turned when he heard Logan’s footsteps and nodded at him.

“Morning, Logan,” James greeted. Logan nodded back.

“Morning. Where is everyone else?”

James put his thinking face on for a moment. “Mama Knight and Katie are at another audition for a commercial so Katie can keep going to school here. Carlos said he had ‘secret, urgent business’ to do, and Kendall went to visit Jo.”

Logan didn’t even flinch at hearing his boyfriend had left to see his “fake” girlfriend. There was once a time where he might have, but that time had passed. He just nodded and thanked James before heading out, telling him that he was going to the pool. James smiled and nodded before turning back to the television as Logan closed the door behind him.

Logan knew for a fact he wasn’t headed to the pool. He may not be surprised that Kendall was with Jo, but that didn’t make him any less angry about it. He was going to go cuss out his boyfriend for ditching him for Jo, _again_. At least he’d get some attention from Kendall that way, even if it was just him getting angry.

After storming his way to her floor, Logan stopped in front of Jo’s door and raised his hand to knock. But he was stopped by the sound of the sound of her couch squeaking the way it did when someone learned too far to the left and a breathy voice he knew all too well, accompanied by one he wished he’d never had to hear. Logan simply stood there and listened, stunned by what he was hearing, until he heard her tell Kendall she loved him. And he was sure he felt his heart break when he heard Kendall say it back.

Logan didn’t stay any longer than that. Instead he turned on his heel and went back to 2J. He didn’t realize he was crying until he was in the elevator, and he quickly wiped the tears away, forcing himself to remain composed as the doors opened again. He stalked down the hallway and burst through the front door of their apartment, relieved to see James had left while he was gone. He didn’t want to have to explain why he was so upset before he’d had a chance to process everything. So, after going to his room and locking the door behind him, Logan laid back on his bed and just let himself feel.

After a few seconds the sadness hit him like a brick, and before he could even stop himself he was crying harder than he ever remembered crying. He allowed himself that much now that he was back in his own room where nobody would see, considering what he had just heard. Once the initial wave of sadness had passed, he mostly just felt angry and bitter. He knew this would happen. He had said so and Kendall had promised, he _promised_. But everything had changed so much in the last several months and who was Logan, a doctor wannabe from their small town in Minnesota, compared to a rising actress like Jo. He couldn’t bring himself to be mad at her; it wasn’t like she knew that Kendall was dating him. No, it was just Kendall he was mad at. Kendall, who had been his best friend since the third grade. Who had taught him to play hockey, who he had tutored through more math tests than he could count. Who had spent every single summer with him while their other friends were away at Camp Wonky Donkey. Who he’d given up everything for so that they could move to LA and pursue a stupid, crazy dream with Carlos and James.

Who, at that moment, Logan wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

Logan was beginning to feel only anger. He knew it was probably irrational, but he had the urge to move right out of their shared room so he’d never have to see stupid lying Kendall and all of his stupid possessions every time he entered a place which was supposed to be his safe haven. Logan stood and left their room, just seeing Kendall’s things making him more frustrated. He paced around the living room for a few minutes trying to calm himself when the front door opened. Logan turned and saw James returning with a very beat-up Carlos, likely caused by his “secret, urgent business”. They gave him a look, as the fact that he was in the middle of fuming was obvious. Logan stared back at them for a few seconds before deciding to just go for it.

“Would one of you be willing to switch rooms with me?” he asked. Carlos and James both looked at him like he had two heads; he and Kendall were supposed to be best friends after all. “Kendall just… upset me. Really upset me. I can’t say why right now because of him, but once I can, I will. I promise.” Kendall’s voice echoed around in his head for a second. _I promise I promise_. He’d be better at keeping his promises than Kendall was.

He allowed James and Carlos to think and discuss between themselves for a few minutes before they agreed. Despite knowing that Logan had a habit of overreacting to things, they decided it had to be exceptionally serious if he no longer wanted to room with Kendall. They spent the rest of the afternoon moving Logan and Carlos’s things, and soon Logan’s new roommate was James. He still thought he was being at least a little rash about the situation, but he had just caught his boyfriend cheating on him. He figured he was allowed to be irrational.

Mrs. Knight came home with Katie just as they finished moving everything. The boys helped her make dinner at her request while Katie set the table. Kendall arrived just as they were finishing, and Logan felt like he might be sick the second he heard his voice. He refused to look at Kendall and was dreading having to sit beside him during dinner. Luckily, when they all sat down, James claimed the spot next to Logan while Carlos made a point of sitting across from him. Logan was eternally grateful that his friends were going all-out to make him comfortable, even if they didn’t really know why it was necessary. He briefly glanced at Kendall and saw he was vaguely annoyed that his usual spot beside Logan was already taken. Logan couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty, as Kendall often liked to touch legs under the table and he was certain he’d do something stupid like yelling or vomiting part way through their meal if that happened.

After finishing their dinner and helping Mrs. Knight clear the table, the boys decided to watch a movie while Katie rehearsed lines for her next audition and Mrs. Knight read one of her cheesy romance novels starring her beloved Fabio. It took some convincing on the other three boys’ part, but eventually Logan agreed to watch _The Cabin in the Woods_. He sat down on the couch and, much like at dinner, James and Carlos were quick to claim the spots on either side of him. Kendall looked even more agitated than he had at dinner, knowing he had lost the opportunity to be Logan’s arm to grab and shoulder to hide in when he inevitably got scared by the movie. Logan was worried that Kendall’s glare might actually set James or Carlos on fire, but neither seemed to notice his annoyance, instead spending their time psyching up Logan for the movie so he was already very nervous by the time it started.

If anything, Logan thought he preferred being between James and Carlos for the movie. Carlos was just as willing to let Logan grab his arm and hide behind his shoulder whenever a scene got just a bit too graphic, and James patted his back whenever he made any particularly pitiful sounds. He could practically feel Kendall burning holes into his sides, but he was too busy trying to not be scared of the movie (and enjoying the attention from James and Carlos).

The movie ended around eleven. They all decided they should just go to bed, knowing that Gustavo wanted them to practice their dancing tomorrow and it would be more torturous for everyone if they were all exhausted. Logan could feel the nerves creeping in as they walked towards their rooms; it probably would have been smarter to warn Kendall sooner about the roommate exchange, but it was a bit late for that.

When Logan felt Kendall grab his wrist in a death grip as he went to enter his and James’ room, he wondered for the first time if maybe this decision had been a mistake.

“You lost, Logan? That’s not your room.” Kendall said it as though it was something amusing, but Logan could sense the seriousness lacing his words.

“Yes it is,” James snapped at him. “We switched this afternoon. You’re rooming with Carlos now.” His tone just riled up Kendall even more, and he was suddenly right in Logan’s face, all but pinning him against the nearest wall.

“Hey Logan, can you and I talk? You know, alone?” Kendall asked, though he made it sound more like a command. Logan nodded, trying to make himself look braver than he felt. Kendall stomped ahead, and Logan took a moment to reassure James and Carlos that everything was fine before following him, given that they looked ready to kick Kendall’s ass right there despite still not understanding what was going on. Logan followed Kendall out of 2J, out of the Palm Woods, and into the park before Kendall finally stopped. Logan rolled his eyes internally, because of course Kendall would drag him all the way out to the park before they could talk about anything.

“What the hell is going on with you?” Kendall snarled, causing Logan to flinch slightly. He sometimes forgot that Kendall was taller and stronger than him, and suddenly the seclusion that came with being in the park at 11pm was extremely unnerving. “You ignored me at dinner, and during the movie, then I find out you moved in with James today? What the fuck is your deal?”

All of the anger Logan had been holding back suddenly rushed forward as he shoved Kendall to the ground, despite his earlier fear caused by their general size difference. “You are, you lying asshole! I heard you and Jo having a very _friendly_ conversation in her room today. I’m glad you and your ‘fake’ girlfriend are so close,” he yelled, wanting nothing more than to insult Kendall until he felt as disgusted with his actions as Logan did. He could see the look of panic on Kendall’s face starting to form. “How long have you been sleeping with her Kendall? A few weeks? A few months? Since the ‘fake dating’ started? What about the ‘I love you’s? She sure got one faster than I did.” Kendall had never seen Logan this angry about anything. He appeared dumbstruck, like he never thought Logan would figure out what he was doing. He should have known better, Logan was the smart one after all.

“Logan, listen-”

“No!” Logan snapped, effectively shutting up Kendall, who was still sitting on the ground in a state of slight shock. “I don’t want to hear a single thing you have to say. I’m finished with you cancelling our plans for her or getting mad at me every time I became worried when _I clearly had reason_. There is absolutely nothing you can say to me that will fix this, Kendall. I’m going back to 2J where I have people who actually care about me.”

“I _do_ care about you Logan!” Kendall exclaimed, finally standing up again. He went to touch Logan’s face affectionately, but Logan took a step back. Hurt flashed on Kendall’s face and Logan gave him an incredulous look. “I care about you so much it hurts, and I always have. I don’t know what happened today with Jo, but I swear that I don’t love her. I only love you.”

Logan wavered slightly. Kendall had never said he loved him before, and despite the bravado he’d been using, Logan did still love Kendall and wanted nothing more than to just forgive him and pretend nothing had happened. But his overly logical brain wouldn’t allow such an emotionally driven decision, so he stared Kendall down, trying to read him as best he could. His body language screamed for forgiveness, begging with everything he had for Logan to just get over what happened and not leave him. Then Logan looked him in the eyes. Beneath the regret swimming on the surface, he could see the part of Kendall that wasn’t sorry, the part that was ready and willing to cheat on him all over again, the part that was in love with Jo despite his words. Logan knew that there was no way their relationship was ever going to move forward from where it was. Regardless of what he was saying then, he would never stop going back to Jo. For his own sake, Logan needed to end it.

“No, you don’t Kendall. Whether you realize that or not.” He smiled gently and allowed one tear as he patted Kendall’s cheek. Logan had never seen as much regret on Kendall’s face as he did in that moment. It sparked a glimmer of hope in Logan’s chest that maybe Kendall really did care about him. But he knew that even if a piece of Kendall actually loved him, it was meaningless if another piece loved Jo enough to cheat on him again.

And so Logan walked away, leaving Kendall in the dark.


End file.
